Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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