This is not my ceiling
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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