Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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