he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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