Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
