I got chris browned last night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
