If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
