He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
