we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize