you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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