walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize