nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
