I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
