I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize