I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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