Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
