hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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