I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
