thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
