I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
40s are totally the cure
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
