if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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