this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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