By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
