i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize