I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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