im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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