And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize