I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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