Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
