I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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