Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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