he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
