In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
