So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
