I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The beer is more important than you right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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