well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Still dying that you shit outside
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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