I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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