You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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