it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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