when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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