what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
