onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize