Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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