he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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