Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
