The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
