So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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