I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
