I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
