I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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