I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
