she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
