He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize