woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
