I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
