no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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