Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
