I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
