The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
