hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
