so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
