she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize