i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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