I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
