keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
