forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
