Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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