She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize