singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
