He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
