Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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