Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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