YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
