Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
