she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
