"it" just moved
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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